I don’t want to talk about my past. Can I still go to therapy?

If you're wanting to start therapy, you might not want to go into depth about your history. Let's talk about what therapy looks like in this case.

The short answer: You can still do therapy. You just need to choose a therapist who is able to work in this way.

It’s common to be resistant to talking about the past - sometimes we have some really tough things back there, that we are afraid to bring up again. For clients who are afraid to talk about the past, there are several ways in which we can still work. 

1. We can use techniques which stay in the present, or have a future focus.

Tools like CBT can help us examine a behaviour, and change the ways we understand ourselves. We don’t have to go deep into the past to work on what’s happening today. CBT can work well with the past - it can be a controlled way to dip into the origins of a problem, without detailed exploration. But it also works well without a past-focus.

We can also use other techniques in a present or future-focused way: What is currently contributing to burnout? What do you want to do differently? What do you current experience as the barriers to change? How could we work toward a different outcome? What daily habits would help support your mental health?

2. We can note the areas that are currently off limits

Clients could say ‘I can talk about my childhood, but not my teenage years’. I respect that boundary, and as clients feel safer during the work, clients may feel later that they are able to return and open this up. 

3. You can take a break to reflect

We can do a set of work on the present and future, and then you can take a break from therapy. You can see how you feel after the work, and then return to therapy if you feel that it would be beneficial to unpack and process some of the past.

4. We can use techniques to keep you grounded

If you want to try safely exploring the past, there are ways to do this.

If you are worried about reliving the past, we can use techniques to help you stay grounded in the present. These can help remind you of where you are, and that you are telling the story of what happened - not reliving the event.

So you might play music, pet your dog, or fidget with something to keep you present. I can teach you simple breathing exercises, to keep your body feeling regulated and safe. We can set a timer - you might talk about something for five minutes, and then we can move on to a topic which feels safer.

You might want to write a note, rather than speaking aloud. Or we could talk about TV shows at the end of the session, to bring you back to joyful things and help you feel safe in leaving the session.

We can plan this out before covering the tricky topics, and it will all go at your pace.

Why do so many therapists help you talk about the past?

Often, during our childhood and traumatic experiences, we build our sense of self and our habits. So by having a look at the past, we can understand why we are holding onto behaviours that are no longer helpful. Also, trauma can have big impacts on our emotions and our bodies. By talking about the trauma, viewing it in different ways, and expressing our bottled emotions, we can start to process and let go of the past.

The most important thing in therapy is you. So I am here to work with your priorities, so that you can get what you want out of therapy.

Thinking about therapy? Book a free 15 minute chat at cosytherapy.com, or drop me an email at cosytherapy@gmail.com